Jem And The HologramsWhen we first heard the rumor of Nate Dogg appearing at Coachella as a hologram, we were totally creeped out: Posthumous album is one thing, but a posthumous performance just seems wrong. Now, after seeing the videos from this weekend of Tupac performing alongside Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg, we might feel even more opposed to this idea. But if this is going to become a thing, then we’d like to suggest some artists, past and present, who could pull a Gorillaz and go full-on Jem.
 
Jem was a 1980s cartoon whose protagonist, Jerrica Benton, could summon her computerized friend Synergy with a touch of her star-shaped earrings. Synergy, like a wish-granting Siri in a leotard, would then produce a big-haired hologram of Jerrica, alias Jem, on command, so that Jem could front an all-female rock band (Jem And The Holograms) while Jerrica was free to solve mysteries and engage in action sequences. If the whole “Tupac Lives” thing ends up being true, we guarantee that his non-hologram self was fighting crime somewhere while fake Tupac was performing “2 Of Amerikaz Most Wanted” in Indio. He might still be doing now that while Hologram Tupac is busy on Twitter.
 
The Tupac hologram was created by San Diego’s AV Concepts, and if company president Nick Smith is looking for inspiration, we’d like him to consider these three artists for hologramification.
 


David Bowie

Bowie is not only from the future, but his often-imiated sartorial sense is far superior to that of the shirtless/superbly jacked Mortal Kombat version of HoloTupac. Let’s also look at our favorite non-source on holography, Wikipedia. The index alone reads as a description of the Ziggy Stardust/Scary Monsters/Jareth The Goblin King periods of Bowie’s fantastically mercurial career: “Laser,” “Apparatus,” “Complex Objects,” “Amplitude And Phase Modulation,” “Embossing And Mass Production” and the perfect “Things Often Confused With Holograms.” I love you, HoloBowie. LH
 


GG Allin

Holograms are fucking creepy. Along with flying cars, they are also the most irritating piece of pseudo-futuristic technology used in sci-fi movies because while they seem forward-thinking and advanced, they are glaringly impractical and often look like shit. Remember that scene in Minority Report where Tom Cruise uses a cheap hologram to talk to his kidnapped, probably dead, son? It’s supposed to be this big emotional beat in the movie where we learn how much Tom Cruise misses his kid, but instead I always spend the whole time thinking, “Why does his child look like a cheap screensaver? Who can forge an emotional connection with a blurry, sub-Polar Express digital humanoid? How does Tom Cruise never age, and is it because he’s in fact already a hologram?”
 
So, yeah, I’m not on board with this craze, but if we have to resurrect dead pop-stars for cheap nostalgia, let’s go all the way and pick someone who would actually benefit from the whole “being digital” thing. That’s why my pick is iconic punk singer and notorious audience antagonist GG Allin. Allin was famous for attacking, urinating on and throwing feces at fans, so he’d be the perfect act for this new trend. Just imagine: All the frenzied fun of a GG Allin show with none of the fluids. I’m sure they can figure out some way to make little holographic pieces of poo, right? Let’s get Pixar on this, stat. DJ
 


Celine Dion

Celine Dion is already kind of fantastical and mirage-like, so it wouldn’t be a stretch for her to come in holographic form. The Dio-gram activator would be a recorder, the wind instrument whose plastic version is often found in middle school music classes. I’d summon the Dio-gram by playing the opening flute part to “My Heart Will Go On” on my recorder. Then the Dio-gram would appear, arms akimbo, hair and gauzy angelic dress blowing as if in a wind tunnel, and she’d sing only the final explosive chorus to that favorite Titanic hit and then vanish. Yes, the Dio-gram would be a one-trick pony, but she’d be more effective and unpredictable than a can of Mace, and you could charge for her appearances in Canada. CW