It’s 2013 now, which means we’re only two years away from living in the hoverboard-filled Back To The Future II dreamworld that we’ve always dreamed of. We’re so close to the future, you’d think the music industry would be filled with stories that reflected the exciting times we live in. So, what were the big stories of the week? Justin Timberlake and Destiny’s Child.
Let’s talk Timberlake first. The star of Trouble With The Curve is (presumably/hypothetically) returning to the whole writing and performing music thing, having emerged from some Terrance Malick like period of reflection, contemplation and rom-com-starring to drop… something? No one really knows what he’s working on specifically, but there have been hints that it will involve Timbaland, Beyonce and probably a fedora. You can watch the vague, anticlimactic countdown trailer he dropped this week below.
He ends the clip by saying, “I’m ready.” What are you ready for JT? A full-length follow-up to FutureSex/LoveSounds? A much-rumored collaboration with Beyoncé? The long-awaited sequel to Southland Tales? Don’t leave us in the dark for too long. It’s so lonely here.
And, yes, Destiny’s Child also returned this week with a new single and the news that the other women in the group will be joining Beyoncé onstage at the SuperBowl as part of the half-time show. The other big piece of Beyoncé news of the week—’cause, seriously, when is there just one piece of Beyoncé news—was that she was named the sexiest woman of the century by expensive necktie guide GQ. Normally that’s the kind of weird proclamation that we wouldn’t have much use for, but in the actual article the following is revealed:
Beyoncé’s inner sanctum also contains thousands of hours of private footage, compiled by a “visual director” Beyoncé employs who has shot practically her every waking moment, up to sixteen hours a day, since 2005.
As if the phrase “Beyoncé’s inner sanctum” wasn’t intriguing enough—is she like a Bond villain?—the idea that someone has been following around Beyoncé for years and that one day we might have all that footage at our fingertips is truly mind-blowing. Remember that creepy guy from The Truman Show who just hung out in his bathtub all day watching Truman on a tiny, probably unsafe television? That… wouldn’t be me. Nope. Not at all. Move along, please.
The Oscar nominees were announced this week, which has nothing to do with music, except for the occasionally controversial but mostly just boring “Best Original Song” category. Adele was nominated for Skyfall and it doesn’t even seem worth typing out the other nominees because they’re probably going to lose anyway. I will point out that Seth MacFarlane was nominated, which is only noteworthy because he seems like a real shithead. Non-shithead Fiona Apple was snubbed for some reason, probably because the world is bullshit.
More movie news: There’s a Big Star documentary coming your way. Yep, that’s right, Big Star: Nothing Can Hurt Me, has been acquired by Magnolia Pictures. Because we’re real, hard-working journalists we reached out to (e-mailed) Magnolia about the movie to see if there’s a releases date, and we heard from Matt Cowal, senior vice president of marketing and publicity at Magnolia. He told us, “The film will be released theatrically in most major cities across the country, beginning early this summer.” Watch the trailer below.
Dr. Dre’s Beats headphones are one of the few music business success stories of the last few years and, this being the music industry, everyone else is running into to offer their own “take” (knock-off) on the idea. Who’s gonna step in the ring next? Justin Timberlake? Jay-Z? Kanye? Nope. Lemmy! Lemmy, metal pioneer of Motorhead fame, has revealed his own headphones. What are they called? You get three guesses? Actually, you don’t. They’re called Motorheadphones. Come on. You knew that.
In music download news, veteran service Emusic has announced plans to open up its vast library to non-subscribers. They’ve also introduced a new discovery algorithm that they’re calling the “Engineered Serendipity Project” (ESP). Who knows how long before ESP becomes a sentient being and starts its slow take-over of Earth, one forcefully suggested Rush song at a time?
In streaming news, Led Zeppelin is looking to make a deal to come to a streaming service near you soon, which is good, because where else have you heard Led Zeppelin before? They’re so hard to find on the radio, at family BBQ’s and in college dorm rooms. Glad they’ll finally get a chance to reach the masses.
I’m glad 2013 is off to such an exciting start. Hopefully we make it to 2112.